Accepting Yourself
Self acceptance is not something you can look for or something you can achieve. It is a way of understanding and seeing yourself. It’s knowing how to manage all of the negative voices in your head that tell you that you are unworthy.
Still not convinced? Let’s look at the opposite of self acceptance which is self doubt and self criticism. You probably did not have to sit on a mountain meditating for twenty years to learn self doubt and criticism. Usually we learn it through listening to others. It is a state that we often find ourselves that takes little practice. All we have to do is acknowledge the critical voice in our head that negatively compares us to others or tries to control our behavior through shame. Self doubt and self criticism are pretty easy states to get into and they are both very powerful and effective.
When we embrace or amplify self doubt, this leads to negative emotions like shame, anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, and depression. If we ask our selves questions like why am I so stupid or why am I so unloveable your brain will seek out thoughts, memories, and “facts” that prove why you are so terrible.
A wonderful aspect of your mind is our ability to consciously focus on what we think about. If I’m scared, I can think about a time when I felt safe. If I feel weak I can ask my brain what are the things that make me strong. By focusing on what makes us awesome then it lessens the effect of the negative messages and emotions that float around in our heads.
Belief plays a powerful role in who we are and how we behave. If I believe that I am a worthless person who adds no value to the world then that will change how I view and understand interactions with other people, how I interpret the world around me. It will play a profound role in my relationships with others. How might I view the world or behave differently if I believed that I’m a good human being who does the best I can? That I can make mistakes and still have worth and value just for who I am.
You are a truly unique individual and no is exactly like you. That means that you have a unique perspective and unique experiences that drive you. You may share traits with others but no one is exactly like you. Even identical twins, who share identical genetics are very different. They both have different experiences that shape who they are and how they relate to the world around them. So in at least this way you are amazing. You are the only you who has ever been the the only you that will ever be.
You have a right to exist and to take space in the world. How many people do you know that others may label as a jerk. Some people just act in horrendous ways and yet we still accept them for who they are. We say “ah that’s just grandpa”, or that’s just “Aunt Patty being Aunt Patty”. No matter how distasteful we may find them or how much they annoy us we still accept them and love them for who they are, and yet we struggle so hard to find that acceptance for ourselves.
If you find yourself being super critical of other people there is a good chance that you are also highly critical of yourself. I’m a strong believer that people make the best decisions they can based on their knowledge, feelings, beliefs, and values. You may not always like the decision you made and yet you made it based on your beliefs, feelsings, and understandings at that moment. We must try to look back at ourselves with compassion and understanding rather than shame and regret.
This does not mean that we don’t take responsibility for our actions or that we cain’t make new decisions in the future. In fact, the more we accept ourselves the easier it is for us to take an honest look at our decisions and decide if we want to do it differently in the future. It’s a lot easier to admit when you have made a mistake when you are able to accept that you are not perfect and still worthy even when you make a mistake.